


Of a hooker and a pimp

by dreamerbydawn



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Also incredibly low self esteem, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, M/M, Not a sad ending though, Trigger warnings - mentions of rape/non con ; alcohol/ substance abuse & non descriptive self harm, [Spring break draft clean up], gut wrenching angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 19:03:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3702581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamerbydawn/pseuds/dreamerbydawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian's downward spiral is now more of a free fall than anything else, and Mickey and Mandy scramble to save him before he crashes. Except Milkovich's are more known for wrecking things than fixing them and figuring out how to make an exception of this one is easier said than done.</p><p> Also known as the AU where instead of being bipolar, Ian returns as a hooker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of a hooker and a pimp

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally the first shameless fic I wrote and it took me a while to decide whether I wanted to post it or not... but here it is...so...yeah, I'm a little nervous?

 

 “You’re a fucking hooker now?!?” Mickey Milkovich was heard shouting at the boy he had pressed up the side of the alley.

 “And you’re a pimp, works out pretty damn well huh?” Ian drawled, not bothered in the slightest at being pinned to a wall.

 “Jesus fuck!” Mickey swore, before demanding “Are you fucking out of your fucking mind?”

 “Relax big guy, I know your whores don’t come with a dick. ‘sides I already got me a pimp” Ian assured lazily, like that was the part of this whole fucked up situation that Mickey found problematic.

 “You think that’s my fucking issue here?” Mickey questioned, trying to look into glazed over green eyes to find something that was still _his Ian_.

 He got a light carefree little laugh from the redhead and Ian’s hand came up to touch the side of Mickey’s face in a gentle caress.

 “I know I charged you for the lap dance, but you don’t have to pay for the sex, don’t worry” Ian informed, the words taking away Mickey’s anger and leaving behind open mouthed horror.

 “Who the fuck says - are you fucking -” The shorter man was struggling to string his words together, but Ian simply leaned down to the hand pinning his shoulder and fucking licked, like he was offering to suck on them.

 “You want to chit chat more or you want to get on me?” Ian questioned, his voice dropping a few notches.

 “Fuck No!” Mickey pushed back, finally letting go of his hold on Ian.

 “I’m clean, they have us tested every month” the younger boy shrugged, undeterred as he stepped into Mickey’s space.

 “Get the fuck off me” Mickey shoved, forcing Ian back against the wall.

 For one fraction of a second Mickey swore he saw something flash in Ian’s face, but it was gone before he could even be sure he had seen anything. The redhead male simply shrugged again and straightened out.

 “Your loss Milkovich” Ian tossed out before leaving a stunned Mickey alone in the middle of a fucking alley in boys town.

*

 Mickey had spent the day trying to get rid of his hangover and maybe stop feeling like his head had been bashed in with a sledgehammer, but after the incident with Ian last night, he had needed all the alcohol he could get into his system.

 Now though, with no one else to turn to and no fucking clue how to handle the situation with Gallagher, he was waiting on the front porch steps for his sister to get home from her shift at the diner.

 He was on his third smoke when the only daughter of the Milkovich household finally made an appearance.  

 “You look like shit” Mandy called out the moment she spotted him.

 “Fuck off” Mickey grumbled before getting directly to the point, he had waited too long for her to get here anyway “You seen Gallagher yet?”

 “No” She answered, flopping down next to him and swiping his joint.

 “So you got no idea about the shit he’s been doing? thought you were best fucking friends or whatever” Mickey asked, sparing her a sideway glance.

 “Watch it shithead. It’s your fault anyway, having asshole brothers means we can’t just swing by each other’s place anymore” Mandy bitched, she missed Ian enough without her brother rubbing it in.  

 “The fuck’s that supposed to mean?” Mickey demanded, yanking the joint back from her.

 When Mandy simply gave him an unimpressed look, he sighed and rubbed tiredly at his temples.

 “Well I don’t give a fuck anyway, go talk to him. He’s been gone for fucking months for fucks sake” He finally settled on ordering.

 “Was planning on going anyway douchebag, besides I was still talking to him up until two weeks ago.” His sister huffed as she got back up to head into the house.

 “Wait what?? You talked to him? This whole fucking time? And you never fucking thought to tell me?” Mickey growled out, standing up to face her again.

 “You never fucking asked asswipe” Mandy shrugged before slamming the door on his face.

 That of course wasn’t enough to stop him and Mickey found himself following after, yelling as he stormed in.

 “Are you fucking kidding me? So you know all the fucking dumbass things he’s been up to? You know he’s a fucking hooker in fucking boys town and you don’t -”

 Mickey’s words died the moment his sister whirled around, jaw hanging open and staring at him with clear shock. Obviously she hadn’t known.

 “He became a hooker?” Mandy whispered softly.

 But he couldn’t bring himself to tell her more than that and she couldn’t find the words either, the two Milkovich siblings settling on simply staring at each other.

 Why the fuck did they have to end up loving one Ian Gallagher?

*

 All the Gallaghers were sitting at the dinner table, noisy chatter filling up the room like it did any other day and Ian’s attention had been focused entirely on Debbie’s story until the back door opened.

“Hey asshole” Mandy greeted, stepping into the suddenly silent room.

“MANDY!” Ian was out of his seat in a heartbeat “How’s my favorite girl in the whole fucked up world?”

 Within seconds he had his long limbs wrapped around her, clutching at her like she was his only lifeline while she did the exact same thing. Neither of them were sure how long the hug lasted, but the light cough from the kitchen table had them drawing back.

 Mandy scrubbed at the tears with the back of her hand while Ian grinned down at her, eyes shining, before she pulled herself together enough to start hitting him.

“What the fuck were you thinking - shithead? You don’t answer my calls - or texts - and I keep thinking of you - dead in a ditch somewhere and - _Jesus fuck_! - you’re a - fucking - piece of - shit!”

 Mandy was breathing hard after punctuating every few words with a hard kick or a punch to the gut, Ian not even bothering to defend himself, simply wincing at every hit until he was finally shoved away.

 “You ever do that to me again Ian Gallagher and I will fucking end you, you got that?” She threatened.

 “Loud and clear” Ian promised, finally straightening up after the onslaught of hits he had just received.

 “Good” She sniffed, trying her best to not cry a second time in three minutes.

 “I fucking missed you” Ian admitted softly, crushing her resolve and sending her right back into his arms, tears once again streaming down her face.

 “I’m gonna - you just - five minutes okay?” Mandy finally managed to mumble into his shirt, feeling him nod above her and quickly turning away to rush to the upstairs bathroom.

 Ian remained in his spot for a second longer, before turning around to where dinner and his family were still waiting. No one said a word about the tear tracks clearly visible on his face and Ian was grateful for that as he quickly shovelled the rest of the food into his mouth before Mandy came back downstairs.

*

 Ian’s life had been a swirl of black emptiness for quite a while now; He’s not sure when he got sucked into it, but he’s there somehow and nothing he did seemed to get him out.

 No amount of drugs or alcohol could really help him, all they did was numb the pain, make it seem like he was simply floating through. His family had always had their fucked up shit to deal with and Ian didn't blame them one bit, but they couldn’t help him, less now than they could before he left because apparently, quite a lot had happened in few months.

 But Mandy, she was the one person he had talked to before he left, the one person he had talked to while he was away and the one person he could definitely talk to now that he was back. In more ways than one, the Milkovich girl was his only connection to sanity these days.

 That was why, when he found himself under the L with her, passing a joint and sharing a few beers, his mind was drug free and clear for the first time in quite a while.

 They mostly stayed in silence, simply soaking up the comfort from each other’s presence for a little while before Mandy finally snubbed her smoke against the ground.

 “How long?” She asked casually, not needing to elaborate.

 “Immediately after” He answered quietly, knowing she would hear the unsaid word, hear the statement for what it was _‘immediately after the army’_

 “So that means right when you started using?” Mandy checked.

 “Same time, yeah” Ian confirmed.

 “Why?” She asked quietly, making him shrug.

 “Not my fault people always seem to like me for sex Mands” He answered casually. “Might as well make them pay for what they like”

 Mandy’s eyes flickered to his, the sadness and understanding shining clearly. She knew his story from before and after he left home. And she knew what it felt like to be viewed as meat more than as a person. But she had never wanted Ian to feel that way, let alone accept it.

 But right now? There wasn’t much she could do about it except hold his hand and hope he knew that whatever happened, she’d still be there for him.

 From the slight quirk of his lips, she thought maybe he did.

*

 Mandy jerked awake when her bedroom door slammed open, trying to make out the form in the darkness, even as her hand reflexively reached for the knife stashed under her pillow.

 “You were supposed to get him to fucking stop!” Mickey sounded furious.

 “What the fuck Mickey?” She snarled back, dropping the knife and reaching for the nightside lamp instead.

 “Gallagher.” Mickey answered bluntly from the doorway “He’s out there, right now, blowing some old blue pill swallowing piece of trash for money”

 “Oh please, your bride does the same fucking thing. Go throw your little fit at her” Mandy had already aimed the empty gatorade bottle by her bed straight for her sibling.

 “Are you fucking kidding me with this shit? _It’s Gallagher!_  ” Mickey’s shouting was loud enough to wake half the south side and it was beginning to stir her temper. "He’s not some piece of ass for dickbags wanting a rent a twink!"

 “Yeah? Well maybe you should tell him that! Now get the fuck out of my room” Mandy screamed back before sliding out of bed to physically throw him out and slam the door in his face.

 What happened at the army might have been the final straw, but it was Mickey that first sent Ian into this downward spiral of worthlessness and Mandy was not forgiving him for that anytime soon.

*

 “You’re fucking late” Mickey snaps out when he sees the tall figure sauntering towards him.

 “Was giving you time to think ahead a bit” Ian answered unperturbed as he took the final few steps towards Mickey “Think real.... _hard_ ”

 Just as Gallagher spoke the last word though, his hand had come up to grab Mickey’s crotch.

 “Jesus! Are you high again?” Mickey complained, trying to ignore the hard press of Ian’s hand against his groin.

 “What’s it matter big guy?” Ian questions lazily, hand moving just the right way, and making it extremely difficult for Mickey to use his upstairs brain like he had originally meant to, when he set up this meeting.

 “Fuck! Gallagher” Mickey cursed as Ian’s other hand worked his belt open.

 “So what do you want to do with me now, huh?” Ian asked, voice already dropping low.

 “Make cookies for the bake sale this weekend, the fuck do you think?” Mickey grumbled, overwhelmed by both sensation and stupid questions, though mostly it was the former.

 Ian chuckled with dark humor before stepping back an inch to properly face the shorter boy.

 “I meant” Ian began to clarify, waving a hand to indicate his body “with me. What do you want to do with _this_?”

 Mickey blinked twice blatantly staring at Ian, there was something about that statement that seemed off. Something Mickey knew he should be picking up on, except Ian’s hand had pushed open his jeans and slipped into his boxers.

 Mickey’s eyes dropped to where Ian pulled his dick out, his other hand already pushing Mickey’s clothes down to his thighs.

 “You want me to suck your dick?” Ian asked, already sinking down to his knees and Mickey could only spread his legs further in invitation.

 Within seconds, the redhead started to worship his dick, licking long strips up the side, flicking his tongue playfully at the slit, rolling it around the leaking head and then taking him in.

 Long fingers fondled at his balls as Ian took him in all the way to the back of his throat, the perfect warmth and wetness of his mouth surrounding Mickey as Ian began to bob his head.

 It was embarrassing how the older teen barely lasted, Ian only had to hum around his length for maybe two minutes before he was spilling into his throat.

 “Damn Milkovich, you really like Bastille huh?” Ian teased as he got back up, dusting off his knees.

 “What?” Mickey asked dazed.

 “Bastille, Icarus. Sorry if you couldn't guess the song, but I did have a dick in my mouth, so” He shrugged carelessly.

 Mickey continued to stare as the redhead lit himself a joint, pulling on it before releasing a puff of smoke and then finally turning to face him again.

 “You want to stick around this shithole for a round two?” Ian questioned.

 “Fuck is the matter with you?” Mickey demanded then, too disoriented by Ian’s behaviour.

 “That’s what I thought. Well see ya” came the answer, Ian already taking two steps back to the dilapidated doorway he had just walked through fifteen minutes ago.

 “Whoa, hold on there just a fucking second!” Mickey’s hand shot out to grab the taller boy and turn him around with more force than necessary.

 “Yeah?” Ian asked, glazed eyes fixing back on Mickey.

 “What just happened here?” He questioned, frowning at the oncoming headache he could feel from a mile away.

 “Guess you could call this a booty call” Ian answered, smiling an empty little smile before turning away again.

 The Milkovich could only stare after the disappearing form of the other boy, confusion overpowering everything else as he struggled to wrap his head around it all, even as the redhead called out.

 “You want another one, you know where I live”

*

 “Where have you been?” Fiona asked, glancing up when she heard the backdoor open and spotting Ian.

 “Answering a booty call” He replied coolly.  

 He was stepping around her to enter the kitchen when Fiona finally managed to click her mouth shut, simply staring as he rummaged through the fridge. She watched him pop something into his mouth before he turned around, making a face as he reached for a glass of water instead.

 “That either belongs in the trash or cheese really doesn't go well with the taste of cum” Ian finally settled on saying.

 “What the fuck Ian?!?” She sputtered loudly.

 “What?” he questioned, looking at her like his statement had been nothing out of the ordinary.  

 “Are you high?” The eldest Gallagher wanted to know as she vacated her chair to try take a better look at him.

 “Possibly. I’m just tired, didn't get a lot of sleep last night” he answered, brushing past her and disappearing up the stairs.

*

 Mickey was staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep but definitely not thinking about Ian being out there, screwing some sick bastard for money. He tried to tell himself that every night Ian worked of course, but it didn’t work any better for all the practice he got.

 It was nearly two months since the redhead had returned and Mickey was still at a complete loss on how to deal with things.

 They still hooked up almost every day, but after the first couple of times where Mickey attempted to make conversation or hang out, only to be left behind feeling confused and disoriented, he had given up.

 Now they just met up, fucked hard and went their separate ways, Mickey not being able to get out of there fast enough. Being around Ian was disturbing to say the least. He was always high and always focused on the fuck.

 The days where he would try to kiss or touch Mickey in the few moments he let his guard down were gone, as was the pointless chatter he always kept up. The thing that put him off most though, was how Ian made it a point to use his last name and only his last name.

 Somedays Mickey was tempted to go so far as to not show up for their meeting, but he needed to check on the kid damnit! Not to mention surviving an entire day without Ian seemed more painful than watching this new version of the Gallagher.  

 A new version that included him selling himself night after night. A version that never had clarity in what was once bright eyes. A version that seemed to have finally understood the concept of a fuck buddy.

 Honestly, it was a version Mickey couldn’t stand. But there wasn't much he could do.

 He simply sighed and rolled over, he had always thought having Ian back would fix everything, and he doesn't think he had been farther away from the truth in his life.  

*

 Mickey wasn’t the only one that noticed Ian’s downward spiral though. In fact Mandy saw it better than her brother.

 She saw Ian trap himself into a routine. Go for a run early in the morning, come home, make breakfast for everyone, get out of home and hang out with Mandy till her shift at the diner started at noon, workout, meet Mickey, fuck Mickey, drink and fall asleep, wake up in time for dinner, go to the club, get high, screw whoever he was supposed to, get home, wash away the stink of sex, go for a run and repeat.

 There were no days off, there was no exception. But there were still the bad days. Days when his client would have wanted to top, or when his client was a kinky bastard willing to pay extra and Mandy would always know those days without Ian having to tell her.

 Actually it was quite easy to pick up when those days were always followed by Ian meeting her with glazed eyes.

 She watched Ian like he was a deck of cards waiting to collapse, each day her mind growing more frantic to find some answers. And each day she got more frustrated.

 Why was she the only one noticing it? She knew her douchebag of a brother did, she knew Mickey cared but he wasn’t doing anything about it except sulk in a corner or on worse days, drink himself unconscious.

 But apart from the two of them, no one seemed to be bothered by the train wreck happening right in front of them.

 She had always thought the Gallagher clan was tight as they could come; but watching Ian now, she wondered how true that really was, if neither Fiona nor Lip noticed anything off about their brother.

 She thought maybe Debbie or Carl would find something odd, find Ian behaving differently in their company and report it up to the older Gallaghers, but it seemed like they saw right through him.

 So now it was all left to Mandy and the only other person in her corner was her brother.

 And asking Milkovich's - so infamous for wrecking things - to actually fix something, especially when said something was as fragile as Ian Gallagher? Yeah, it was ending in a disaster. She could already see it.

*

 “Cheerios for breakfast?” Debbie asked, shuffling through her things in the living room when Ian stumbled in later than usual one morning.

 “Yeah, sorry” He managed with a grimace.

 “It’s fine” The teenager shrugged, not really glancing in his direction..

 Ian nodded to her anyway, before warily eying the stairs. He wanted to feel the warm water against his skin, wanted to stop reeking of that asshole, hell he just wanted to pass out in the safety of his own bed. But all those options meant climbing up the wretched thing.

 “You just getting in?” Fiona’s voice called, distracting his pain addled brain.

 “Uh huh” Ian answered.

 “Electric!” Carl called out from the kitchen table, banging what was a cut out cereal box, but now their little collection tray.

 “Later” Ian mumbled, still staring up at the stairs he wasn’t sure he could climb.

 “Fiona’s going to pay up on the way to work” Debbie informed him, making Ian grit his teeth and change direction as he headed to the kitchen, already resigned to his siblings noticing that he looked like hell warmed over.

 Still, Ignoring the various flaming points of pain, Ian managed to sling his backpack off his shoulder and dig through it for the stash of cash from last night.

 “Whoa, that for the squirrel fund?” Carl questioned, watching Ian dump the required bills into the extended tray.

 “Mostly” He answered.

 “You seem to be doing well at the club” Fiona observed from behind the counter and Ian wanted to laugh. Did she really not see him right now? Apparently not, because she was calling out again.

 “Hey, feed Liam will you?” His sister pushed Liam’s breakfast towards Ian, who simply stared incredulously.

 “Carl” He designated instead, thankful when his brother didn’t protest.  

 He wasn’t sure how much longer his legs could hold him up, but the idea of sitting down was far more painful, his ass throbbing as it was. He was still trying to talk himself into passing up the shower just until he could get a few hours of sleep when his younger siblings left for school.

 And with Fiona bustling around busily and only Liam for witness, Ian grabbed himself a bag of frozen peas and dragged his aching body up the stairs,  wincing with each step but making it to the bathroom eventually.

 He closed the door behind himself and sank down to the ground, the substitute for an ice pack clutched against his ribs, forgetting time until he heard a rap on the door.

 “You’re watching Liam today!” Fiona reminded from the otherside.

 “Sure” He managed dully.

 “Alright kiddo, gotta go. Liam’s in the playpen, love you” His sister called, her last words almost seeming like a mockery, but he was still out of it and there was darkness in the corners of his brain.  

*

 "IAN!! Hey?? Assface? You in there?” There was pounding on the bathroom door that had him stirring from where he had passed out.

 “Mands?” He managed to croak.

 “Jesus fuck! You scared the hell out of me! How long have you been taking a shit? I’ve sent like five texts!” Mandy complained from the other side.

 “Shit! Liam!” Ian remembered, dislodging the bag of frozen peas from where it had slid into his lap and attempting to get back up.

 “I’ve got him, you okay in there?” His best friend questioned, just as Ian managed to move far enough away from the door for her to push it open.

 “Holy fuck! What happened to you?” She demanded, immediately moving so she could crouch down beside him as she eyed the wet clothes from the ice pack and the general mess that he was.

 She didn’t wait for an answer as she hiked up his shirt to see the ugly bruise forming.

 Ian remembered the press of large hands against his ribs, remembers struggling to breathe and the vague feeling of something in him cracking, all the while his client pounding into his bleeding, torn up ass.

 “Ian, I got you. I’ve got you. Stay with me” Mandy whispered softly, now pressing the not so frozen peas back against the bruise, and her forehead against his, as fresh tears rolled down his face.

 It took them a few minutes of staying like that, until Ian managed to get back on his feet. He had decided to wait on the clinic, not wanting to go in unless absolutely necessary and Mandy had let him get away with it after seeing the effort it took for him to just make it to the bedroom.

 She had been about to call her boss and take the day off, when Ian insisted that he was going to sleep it off, just needed her to drop Liam at Sheila’s before she left.

 As it happened though, he passed out long before she had to leave for her shift

*

 Mickey was seething.

 He knew. He knew right from the fucking beginning that the stupid redhead was going to get hurt. And when Mandy had called from her way to work saying Ian was hurt, he saw red.

 His sister as it turned out, was not in the mood for his 'bitch fit' as she called it, and demanded that he better get over to the Gallagher’s to check on Ian, without fucking things up and hurting the already fragile boy.

 The overwhelming need to punch something, however, did not disappear until he had made it to Ian’s bedroom and found him sleeping. Like this, Mickey could pretend this was the same boy that spent the night in his bed before his father caught them the next day.

 He wasn’t sure how long he sat in the room, strangely feeling none of the anger that had bubbled up in him on his way here. Instead, he found himself staring at Ian for a long while until that didn't satisfy him anymore, so he had to move closer and start running a hand against freckle dusted skin, simply taking in the innocent looking boy.

 It seemed to make Ian stir though.

 “Gallagher?” Mickey called, carefully pushing the boy into further wakefulness.

 “Mick?” Ian’s voice was hoarse, but it didn’t matter, Mickey’s heart still leapt to his throat at hearing his actual name from Ian’s lips again.

 “Didn’t mean to wake you or anything” Mickey apologised gently.

 “I’m up now” Ian mumbled.

 “Good, you should call Mandy. Bitch has been texting me every ten minutes”  Mickey joked, but for some reason it seemed to make Ian tense.

 “Sure, don’t worry about losing your street cred at playing house nurse either” Ian teased coolly “We all know Mandy is fucking scary”

 “Fuck off” The dark haired man complained, backing away and leaning against the bunk bed across Ian’s bed. The redhead shot off a text to his best friend before depositing his phone back to the bedside stand.

 “So, you want to ride me?” Ian asked without any preamble.

 “Excuse me?” Mickey questioned, entirely taken aback.

 “Doubt I can fuck hard today and definitely can’t be fucked, but if you want to ride me, we can make that work”  The younger boy propositioned casually.

 “You think I came here for a fuck?” Mickey demanded then, his pent up anger threatening to snap out of its bounds.

 “You need something else?” Ian asked, his turn to be surprised.

 “Yeah asshole. I need to know which fucking bastard did this to you and I want to know you’re gonna be fucking alright! That so hard to believe?” The Milkovich asked, arms crossed against his chest as he glared down at Ian.

 Ian sighed, shifting a bit and trying to not look at Mickey as he dragged himself to sit up against the wall, tucking a pillow under himself to try help with the pain in his ass. He still felt his ribs protest the movement just as surely as he felt Mickey watching him.

 “You ain’t going back to boystown” The older boy instructed firmly, not entirely surprised when Ian smirked.

 “Don’t like to share your toys huh big guy?” Ian asked, wagging his eyebrows.  

 And that killed the last of his resolve to not yell at the redhead.

 “Will you shut the fuck up Gallagher? Just cuz you’re broken doesn’t mean I won’t deck you”  

*

 “Not headed to work?” Fiona asked from the doorway.

 “No” Ian answered dully.

 “You feeling alright?” His sister checked.

 It pissed something in him off, the idea that it was him not going to work, that his sister actually gave a shit about. Especially after the stunt from this morning when no one noticed the tear tracks on his face or the pain he had been in.

 “I make enough to lose a day’s work and not be bothered by it” He snapped.

 “I asked because you dropped Liam off at Sheila’s” Fiona clarified, not helping the situation one bit.

 “So?” He asked in a monotone because of -fucking-course. If it’s not the money, it’s something else that people needed from him and he failed to do. It was never going to be _‘you alright Ian? You look like shit and i’m worried’_

 “So? You have a reason for dropping our brother off?” She demanded.

 Ian didn’t bother to give her an answer. He didn’t even care anymore. Just waited to let her stew in silence for a few minutes, before she finally turned away and left him alone.

 Alone, so he could replay Mickey raging at him for being stupid and letting himself get hurt; and Ian had wanted to laugh, tell him he was sorry for not being up for sex right then, ask him why he even cared, but he was hurting too much and wanted to pretend just for a while that Mickey actually cared.

 So he did, and he managed to convince both Milkovich siblings that he wasn’t going back to boystown. And now where did that leave him? Jobless and desperate to get out of his mind with his heart breaking all over again.

*

 “Ey Gallagher! Wait a minute” Mickey called, catching Ian by his elbow before he could completely zip up his pants and disappear.

 Ian turned around curious, in the two weeks since the incident, things had gone back to the way they were. Zero conversation, but a hell lot more fucking. Especially now that he had more free time on his hands and wasn't already getting several cocks, they met up few times a day.

 “You get a new job yet?” Came the unexpected question.

 “You offering?” Ian questioned, cocking an eyebrow.

 “For fucks sake!” The older boy cursed in response. Just the idea of it making his skin crawl.

 “That’s what I thought” Ian shrugged, turning away to leave again.

 “You think of getting a normal job? something that doesn’t involve a dick?” Mickey demanded, making him pause again.

 “No.” The redhead answered.

 “Well why the fuck not?”

 Mickey’s question made Ian finally turn back to look him in the eye and the blankness in them had the Milkovich swallowing nervously.

 “What else would I ever get?” Ian asked flatly before leaving Mickey alone in the dugout.  

*

 “Find him a fucking job” Mickey found himself ordering his sister.

 “Who? Ian?” Mandy questioned, glancing up from her dinner.

 “No. Fucking Santa Claus” He snapped when he saw her make a face at him.

 “Has one. At the north pole” Came the deadpan answer.

 “Fuck you! Yes, Gallagher!” Mickey replied, wondering why his sister always had to be so goddamn annoying.

 “I’ve already tried, there’s no point” She admitted, her tone changing to something harder.

 “What?” He frowned, confused.

 “He doesn’t think he’s worth anything more than a fuck.” Mandy informed icily. 

 “That’s fucking bullshit” He scoffed.

 “Yeah? Funny how you never told him that when he needed to hear it” The accusation was sharp and more than a little bitter.   

 Mickey watched his sister storm out of the room, leaving him with just her words echoing way too loudly in his ears.

*

 As it happened though, Ian only waited one more week before returning to his old job. The bruise that had only just faded was enough of an explanation for his pimp.

 Of course the real reason he was back was because neither Milkovich was around anymore. It was originally Svetlana having the baby that kept Mandy occupied, but Mickey didn’t give two shits and came around for his daily fuck anyway.

 That stopped last week though, when Terry got let out of prison and with both the dark haired siblings staying away, Ian went back to the one thing he did have.  

 “So? You took your old job back?” Lip asked, leaning against the door to the boys room.

 “I never quit” Ian bit out, because technically he hadn’t.

 “Yeah? Hear you didn’t go in for a while then” His brother pointed out and Ian was tempted to throw a fucking punch.

 “What does it matter? I put money in the squirrel fund anyway” the lanky Gallagher shrugged

 “Not about the money” Lip countered.

 “It is about the money, you’ve got a lot” Carl cut in, having seen Ian’s various stashes.

 “Yeah, it’s what happens when you are gay and hot” He informed

 “You get rich?” Carl sounded surprised.

 “Something like that man” Ian answered tiredly.

 “So now you’re hot huh?” Lip asked.

 “Tall, redhead, with green eyes and a great body. Yeah, pretty sure i’m hot” Ian replied coolly, having no problem objectifying himself like that.

 “Pretty sure you’re also arrogant” The college going boy clarified.

 “Oh? So it’s arrogant for me to think i’m hot, but alright for you to think you’re smart?” Ian cocked an eyebrow at the older boy.

 “Are we seriously going to have this discussion?” Lip questioned, incredulous.

 “Not if you can fuck off now” Ian snapped, settling himself back on his bed.

 “Look whatever the fuck is going on with you, get it sorted Ian” The eldest Gallagher brother ordered.

 “What difference does it make to you?” He asked, more than a little bitter.

 “Just don’t want you taking off a second time”  

 And it was that answer that had the last of his sanity snapping. His brother so blatantly telling him he was only there, because he didn’t want a runner on his hands again.

 Lip had been his best friend, the one person in his family he thought gave a shit somewhere deep down, but obviously he had been wrong.

*

 Fiona had only just started to get convinced that Ian had sorted his shit out. He went back to work, took a few morning jobs too though she wasn't sure where. Still, he wasn't lazing in bed, so she was happy.

 It was why her temper spiked the minute Mandy Milkovich slammed the door open and stormed her way into their kitchen, disrupting their breakfast.

 "What the fuck Ian? What the actual fuck?!?" The younger girl screamed, heading directly to where the redhead was cooking.

 "Mandy" Ian breathed out the word almost like a prayer.

 "Yes asshole!" She snapped "You want to tell me what the fuck you were think -"

 The girl had been halfway through demanding whatever answers she needed from Ian, when Fiona saw her brother close the distance between them, grabbing the Milkovich by her arms and pressing their lips together.  

 Her gay brother was kissing Mandy Milkovich and Fiona's brain short circuited. 

 Still, she stared at the frozen form of the other girl who was not even attempting to kiss him back, watching dumbstruck as Ian finally drew back, confusion on his face.

 "That's not what you -" he began to question, Mandy finally managing a weak shake of her head. 

 “No, no that’s not -” Mandy answered, sounding as stunned as Fiona felt. 

 Ian's expression transformed into one of pure panic as he backed away, hands disappearing in redhair.

 “Fuck.Fuck. Mandy i’m sorry. I don’t - fuck!” Ian apologised instantly.

 Fiona was still staring with confusion, same as the rest of her siblings in the room, but Mandy had recovered.

 “Hey, hey Ian, it’s fine.” Fiona heard her say, even as the smaller girl grabbed Ian's wrist and yanked him out of the house without another word.

*

 "He kissed me" She announced to her brother, continuing before he could ask her to fuck off "Your boyfriend kissed me Mickey"

 "Wh- what?" Mickey sputtered, complete attention directed at his sister now.

 "I was gone for a couple of weeks. So your gay boyfriend decided to kiss me. He thought I wouldn't leave if he fucked me the way I had wanted him to when I was still 15 and with a crush on him. You get how fucked up that is?" She demanded. 

 And Mickey did. He saw how Ian thought his only currency was his body. He saw how it's all the other boy thought he had to offer and it fucking killed him to see it. 

“The first person he slept with was a senior interested in freshman meat. First job he had? He got hired because Kash wanted to fuck him. All the guys during the fucked up on again off again shit you two had? They wanted his body. And when he left all of that to start over? Got gang raped at the army, blackmailed into it because he had false documents and someone found out. After two months of being used again, he ran away a second time and got introduced to his pimp by his mother and became a hooker."

 Mandy was still talking and he could feel the final blow coming, tried to steel himself to not feel the next words. But it was a useless effort and they ripped him open anyway.

 "Now he’s still being used by the guy he loves. See how that fucks with a person?" 

 Mickey could feel a tear slipping hot against his cheek, but he didn't care because his sister was crying as she said the words too, her tears forming in anger unlike his. 

 "Fix him Mickey or I swear to God. I will shoot you before Terry ever can. This ends now"

 *

 Mandy didn't know where her brother had fucked off to but seeing him stumbling in, obviously returning from a 24 hour bender made her want to scream. She dropped the magazine she had been reading, ready to let him have it for a second time when he headed in her direction himself. 

"I hate him" Mickey announced "I hate him so fucking much."

 She watched as he tripped on his own feet and crashed to the floor and instantly hurried over, ready to help him up and maybe get him to bed, but Mickey simply curled in on himself, right fucking there.

"I told him - so many fucking times I pushed him to go." He slurred at her "And he didn’t - Stubborn fuck -and look what happened."

 Mandy tried to turn her brother over so he'd face her, but he remained where he was, whispering now "He’s broken and it’s all my fucking fault."

 "Mick - Mickey, hey - shit." She had given up on moving him, crawling instead so she could put herself in front of him.

 "I broke him" Mickey whimpered, voice breaking.

 "You can fix this yeah? I know you will." She promised, hand now cradling his face "You’re the only one that can."   

 "How?" Blue eyes stared up at her, innocent and lost.

 "Talk to him." She says softly "Just - just talk Mickey. Make him listen."

 Mickey doesn't answer, just curls into himself more, just like Ian had earlier and she doesn't understand. She doesn't know how the two people she counted on, the two people who were generally her source of strength were both crumbling this way or why she can't seem to help them.

*

 After Ian had promised Mandy a second time that, no, he would not go back to boystown, he had spent the next three days high. Partly it was because he was avoiding Mandy and being avoided by Mickey.

 But partly he had been running from what he had to do. But now, he was here, in the privacy of the abandoned buildings he used to frequent with Mickey and he had the blade he needed in his hold. Problem was, he didn't know if he was ready to do this. 

 There was no going back, it was the permanence of it that he was even attempting this for but he was scared. He had nothing else except his body and intentionally scarring it, intentionally damaging himself meant he didn't know what he was anymore.

 And if there was one thing he could say for himself, he had always known who he was - even if all that was, was a body to fuck. 

 But he would do this. He had to or he couldn't let himself see Mandy again. 

 He still wasn't sure why he had thought kissing her was the answer, it's not like he didn't know that she feared Terry seeing them together, feared he'd kill Ian for sure this time but that didn't seem such a bad option really. 

 Anything had to be better than this crippling loneliness right? Anything had to beat the blackness he was surrounded in. 

 For now he'd even take drops of red that dripped along his thighs. 

*

 It took Mickey two weeks to gather up the courage to go meet Ian again, but he was determined. He was going to put all his cards on the table now because this wasn't about him anymore. It was all about Ian and what he needed. 

 What he didn't expect was that maybe Ian was determined about a few things too. 

 "You should find someone else to fuck" The redhead says as soon as Mickey is within hearing distance. 

 "I - what? No, shut the fuck up Gallagher." Mickey commands, before getting straight to his own point like Ian had "I love you" 

 Ian stares at him for a long moment, his body locking down in shock at the blunt confession. When his drug addled brain starts to actually process the words though, he can't help but laugh, because of course, Mickey would say them now when Ian had just destroyed what he apparently loved. 

 And once he started laughing, he couldn't quite stop. 

 Mickey waits quietly, simply watching, because Ian's reaction was entirely fair and once again, this wasn't about him. What he doesn't expect is for the younger boy to choke out "I'm sorry Mickey, I'm so fucking sorry"

 "What?" Mickey demands confused "Why the fuck are you sorry?" 

 "It's gone. I destroyed it. I - I'm sorry." Ian half laughs, sounding practically deranged. 

 "What's gone man? Destroyed what?" The Milkovich questions because he honestly doesn't understand and Ian's hysterics is scaring him. 

 Ian stands up from where he was perched on a ratty old couch they had dragged into the abandoned building over a year ago, hand going for his belt buckle when Mickey frowns. 

 "I'm not going to fuck you" He says, once again earning himself a hollow chuckle. 

 "I know" Ian admits, finally getting his pants down below his knees, so Mickey can see his thighs.

 "What - what the fuck is that? Ian what the fuck?" Mickey is clearly panicking as he quickly moves forward. 

 "Damage" Ian shrugs "Sorry i'm not the pretty little thing you wanted anymore"

  Mickey kneels before the younger boy, hands set on the other side of Ian's thighs, staring with pure horror at the mangled flesh where a blade had sliced repeatedly into his body 

 “Fuck Ian, just - fuck! Why man? What the fuck were you trying to do?” Mickey asks, voice breaking, but still hoping beyond hope that the self harm hadn't reached the point of Ian making an attempt. 

 "Just damaging the goods" Ian answers, one hand absently tracing along the thick cuts.

 "You hate yourself that much?" He half whispers, still staring at the gashes inside the thigh. 

 "You hate me that much now" Ian corrects before whispering to himself a reminder of what he was now "Broken little fucktoy" 

 “Don't say that" Mickey begs then "I don’t fucking care about that. I don’t care you’re broken or damaged or whatever. I love you Ian. _You_.”

 “This is me” The redhead smiles bitterly and Mickey has had enough. 

 "No, no it's fucking not. You're - fuck - you're hundred words a minute, you're - damnit Ian. You're bright eyes and warm smiles and - and you're hope and dreams and all that bullshit. You're happy fucking endings and -  and summer days. You're so much more than this. 

Mickey raises his head up to a terrified looking Ian, the hands holding the younger boy in place all that's stopping him from bolting as far away as he can from the words being spoken. 

"You're the thing that makes my shitty life okay and even broken Ian, even with everything you're on, you're the closest fucking thing i'm getting to happiness alright? I need you Gallagher. I need you back" 

Mickey knows he's begging now and in front of him, Ian sinks down to Mickey's level, trembling slightly but looking at him with wide eyes 

“But i’m - i’m - this won’t go away” Ian tells him softly of the scars that will soon form on his legs 

“I don’t fucking care. I hate you’re hurt. Hate you did that to you. But I don’t give a fuck Ian, I just need you. Come back to me man, fucking please” Mickey pleads, not bothering to even wipe at the tears leaking from his eyes now 

“You'll still fuck me?” Ian asks him, looking so hopeful and so much like a defenseless five year old even with the words he'd uttered 

And they broke the older boy. Mickey knew there was no point, nothing he said was going to make Ian realise he wasn't just talking about the fuck.  

*

But it didn't mean there wasn't anything he could do. In fact, he knew exactly what he had to do. 

He was going to take Ian to the Alibi right now. He knew his whole family was there after the christening he had just missed, and he was going to walk in there and tell his dad exactly where to stick it and how much Ian fucking Gallagher meant to him. 

**Author's Note:**

> I know Terry was supposed to be released on the day of the baptism but...creative license y'all. 
> 
> Also, Ian's still not bipolar. The Alibi scene happens and then they get a chance to finally be happy for a bit alright? Please. 
> 
> Ummm also, please tell me what you thought of this :) 
> 
> Here or on tumblr! - [dreamerbydawn.tumblr.com]
> 
> xx


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